A few parents have approached Train Kids with their struggle regarding discipline.
To speak on this, the book PARENTING WITH PANACHE of South African author Dereck Jackson was used as reference.
Dereck Jackson is an educator, counselor and parent.
He studied education and psychology in SA and in the USA.
He is a former head of a gifted-child center and ran a guidance center for children with educational problems.
Dereck describes panache as a confident, stylish manner.
The first chapter of Dereck’s book is called DISCIPLINE WITHOUT ANGER OR TEARS.
He has found that parent’s major concern is how to discipline effectively while still maintaining a good relationship with their children.
Dereck says he considers effective discipline the key to parenting - when parents get discipline right, almost everything else falls into place.
To do this, you need a structured, integrated plan.
So, when does discipline begin?
Discipline begins the day the child becomes mobile.
Before that, it is the parents who need to be disciplined, and in a routine.
If you don’t begin the day the child becomes mobile, he/she will destroy your home and destroy themselves by running across a road, or doing something equally dangerous.
There are 5 elements of effective discipline
1. Limit setting or rules
2. Models of discipline
3. Give an effective command
4. Question of punishment - what action is appropriate
5. How to handle difficult situations
1. LIMIT SETTING
1.1 Establish clear rules
- Parents feel rules will crush their child’s spirit
They want their children to be creative like Vincent van Gogh and paint beautiful paintings
If you don’t have rules you will get a Vincent who paints beautiful but also a Vincent who will cut of someone’s ear!
- If you want a successful child, they will need to respect the rules of society
1.2 Rules provide security
- Gives a sense of stability and set boundaries
RULE OF THUMB: YOUR CHILD WILL BE AS NAUGHTY AS YOU ALLOW HIM TO BE
Children without boundaries will keep on testing where the boundaries are
Children love rules – it makes them feel safe
Even adults need rules – what game doesn’t have rules?
Want a harmonious house – when children turn 4, have family meeting and discuss the house rules.
Order, structure and routine creates a happy home
Example – Boucher household
ONE RULE THAT IS NOT NEGOTIONABLE – PARENTS ARE IN CHARGE
YOU CAN NOT BE YOUR CHILD’S FRIEND
What kind of emotional dwarf of 35 needs a best friend of 5 and more so, what kind of mixed up child needs a friend of 35
There is a difference between being your child’s friend and being friendly, loving, supportive and comforting
IF THIS RULE IS ESTABLISHED, ALL OTHER RULES ARE NEGOTIABLE
Now you can sit an